I got dumped on Valentine's Day

You read it right in the headline.  I got dumped on Valentine’s Day.

I met her online via match.com.  Our first date was October 20, 2010.  There was a period of a couple weeks that we really enjoyed each other’s company.  She had not been feeling well for about 10 days, but didn't think much of it.  It was mild.  Over a sometime we hung out more and more, kept in touch most days, all day via txt messaging and learned about each other.  From the first time we met I thought she was beautiful and a little reserved.  As she grew more comfortable, she opened up and is really an amazing woman.

Then something very unexpected happened.  Late in the afternoon in early November, I got a text message from her.  To paraphrase, she said: I am really, really sorry but I cannot be with you anymore.  It has nothing to do with you, or our connection, but we can't be together .... I read the message dumbfounded.  I think I replied, "Huh?" 

After about 5 minutes she wrote back and said: I found out today that I am pregnant.

For some reason the whole thing made me kind of defiant and angry.  I wrote back to her and got some more details about her situation and then replied: What does being pregnant have to with you and I being together?

I was upset because she assumed that I wouldn't want to be with her and assumed that would crumble our relationship and ability to be together.

Let me include a little back-story for reference... she is about 10 years young than I.  She is in the Arizona National Guard and the Army Reserves.  She works full-time for the military as a budget analyst.  It turns out that not only is she in the military but is a Commissioned Officer in the military. 

With all the continuing turmoil in the Middle East she knew that it was just a matter of time that she was called up as a Reservist and was deployed to Iraq.  Prior to her deployment, she was engaged to be married.  From the little I know, her time in Iraq was very rocky and their relationship became very strenuous.  Although she hasn’t admitted so, I also think that she got romantically involved with someone while there. 

Her version of the story was that, while he was supposed to be providing her support and helping her morale, it was actually the other way around.  She constantly felt like she was coddling him and reassuring him that she would be coming home and blah, blah, blah.

It was too much for her, and understandably so.  She told me that while still in Iraq, she began the process of separating from him, of course getting unengaged and talking about moving out when she returned.

Just this past June, 2010, she returned from her deployment.  She started the process of finding her own place and trying to disconnect from her former fiancé.  At the same time, her sister was having some personal problems and so my ex, found a great 2 bedroom loft apartment.  I don’t know exactly when this happened but maybe August, September?

Now we fast forward to the more recent past.  The timeline is something like this.  We met in early October on one of the big online dating sites.  We traded txt messages, e-mails and talked on the phone.  We got together for the first time October 20^th. 

There was an immediate connection and we both embraced it.  Not only did we embrace it, we slept together a couple days later.  We went out, had a great time, enjoyed great food and did some drinking – all of the I’m newly in love stuff.

Then, the pregnancy stuff happened.  At first she acquiesced to my defiant attitude and thought we could try to make things work.  I even took her shopping for maternity pants and office appropriate attire when she did not need to be in uniform.

Then she slowly stopped responding to txt’s, and she she slowly stopped coming by until, frustrated I wrote her a message that said: You are embarking on THE most amazing journey’s of your life. If you want to share it with me, I am here for you, but if you decide to share it with someone else, I understand.  I’m around and here for you if you’re interested.

I got a “Thank  you” back from her and that was that… until December 23, 2010.  On 23 December I was admitted to the hospital.  I sent out a txt message to my family and some friends to let them know and included her.

I was then in and out of the hospital through the end of January.  I spent Christmas, New Year’s and my birthday (26 January) in the hospital.  While my father held a watchful vigil.

Then with no warning, expectation or thought, she walked in the room.  A couple family members came and went.  I got to see my kids a few times…. but she was a constant.  The first time she came was the day I got admitted and she showed up at one o’clock in the morning.

We talked a lot.  She kept my spirits high, when they were at an all time low.  Especially in the evenings, she would crawl in to bed with me to watch movies on my computer.  It was against the rules for her to be in bed with me so we figured out the quick routine for her to move to the chair.  It was kind of comical.

Through it all, she was there.  She was there like a rock.

Here’s the deal- I don’t think that she was initially honest about how long she had been pregnant because she did not want me to know that she was with multiple people (including her ex-fiancé).  The doctor changed her due date which she told me and so she really couldn’t continue to fudge that or keep in a secret.

She is due at the beginning of July.  If I got her pregnant, her due date would have to be late July, but it is still a little too close for comfort, if you know what I mean.  (Isn’t the internet wonderful, so many choices of due date calendars?)  I am not positive that it is not mine.  I don’t know if it is her ex-fiancé or from a one night stand.  The man she calls “the father” told her to get an abortion, she said go to hell and they haven’t spoke since.

Since mid-January we were back together.  She started staying the night.  I introduced her to my children and things were going great.  She told me that she loved me and asked if I believed her. We were together everyday and spent an entire day, literally in bed, watching old movies.

We were spending almost every single day together.  We even had a superbowl party together! 

This past weekend was a “drill” weekend for her Reserve duties.  She said that she was going to come crash in the evenings with me.  BUT, the pressure was on me, her birthday was coming up and I had to do something.  Did I mention that her birthday is also Valentine’s Day?

So I ordered a dozen deluxe red rose arrangements for delivery to her condo.  I made reservations at one of the best restaurants in town – and was even going to put on a suit for the occasion.

Then on Saturday night she said she was exhausted from drill and crashed in her bed and wouldn’t be over.  She didn’t say much.  Then Sunday, she again had to run drill and worked and exhausted herself (remember she’s also pregnant).  Sunday night at 8:59, she said I love you and then nothing.

First thing in the morning, I sent her a txt saying Happy Birthday and Happy Valentine’s Day. And nothing.

I told her our plans for the evening, and offered to take her to the maternity store to get a new dress. Nothing.

At 4:09PM, she sent me a message, said that she was going to Nebraska to see her parents and taking a couple weeks of leave and there was no longer “us”.

“All I can say is sorry.”

I sent her a couple follow-up txts and she won’t even respond.

I cancelled our reservation.

I have no idea if the flowers ever made it to her because she did not say a word.

All through txt messages.

I was planning on talking to her about getting married.  She was planning to have nothing to do with me.

I don't know if I am expecting a child.

I got dumped on Valentine’s Day, hardcore dumped.  I haven’t used that to describe any break-up since I was a teenager.  But it couldn’t be more apropos.

And so it goes….

In every heart there is a room

A sanctuary safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lovers past

Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I said too much

My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose

It seems I only felt the thorns

And so it goes, and so it goes

And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave

Then that would be my worst mistake

So I will share this room with you

And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed

It's just as well for all I've seen

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you

That's if the choice were mine to make

But you can make decisions too

And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows