Disposable Furniture – If you can find the missing part. IKEA

This week I was perusing the paper and out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a “SALE EXTENDED” plastered across an ad for IKEA.  I’ve had a list of “needs” for IKEA for a long time, so the list kept getting longer, the budget smaller and time continued to pass without those things.  Maybe I didn’t need them after all.  Then I looked around my room, checked out some other places in the house and the front door – still without a mat – and decided that some of the WANTS were indeed actually NEEDS.

     No matter how hard you try, and who’s paying the tab, IKEA is going to take all day and cost you a lot of money.  It’s interesting, because even back in the college days (the 90’s), we considered it “disposable furniture” which in most cases meant that it was easier and cheaper to put in a dumpster, leave behind or give away than to try and disassemble and to take with you.  There are of course exceptions, but that was the general theory at the time.  That theory holds true to me today.

     So if it is disposable furniture and cheap, why do I say an IKEA trip takes so long and is expensive.  Well, that’s where they trick you.  They are master marketers.  Each individual item that you buy might not be all that expensive, but since EACH item seems inexpensive you buy LOTS OF ITEMS.  That’s where the NEED list and the WANT list get intertwined.

     Fortunately, I had my trip well organized and knew what I needed to get.  I did not read the ad or the banner on the side of the store closely enough to realize why IKEA was filled with more people than the average game at The University of Phoenix Stadium.  The December 2010 sale had been extended until, you guessed it January 17, 2011.

     There are a few staples of a trip to IKEA and I have to squeeze them in despite the fact that I promised this would be a very quick BLOG entry.  When I think of IKEA I think of:

•          Swedish Meatballs
•          Lingonberries
•          Small miniature golf pencils
•          Bright yellow “borrow me” bags
•          Dark blue now you have to “buy me” bags
•          “EASY” to install cardboard roofracks
•          Twine*
•          Twine*
•          Twine*

*For those of you that have not had the experience of shopping at IKEA and buying something that you need to tether to your roof, there are plenty of IKEA associates available to assist you in getting the items lifted to the top of your car, but the latest policy is that they are not allowed to help you secure anything to your car whatsoever.  They are very polite as they point you towards the direction of the twine dispenser.  That was all an “aside.”  The real point of the asterisks was to note that you should use lots of twine when secured furniture to the top of your car, van, jeep, sailboat or whatever vehicle you place to use to get your heavy and large goods home.  To me, this means a secure set of twine laterally (across), a secure set of twine lengthwise and for extra surety fancy corner pieces like wrapping a present to prevent any slippage.  The bottom line, is it takes FOREVER, it is CONFUSING, it made me SWEATY, when unsure which way to go, I got another piece of twine and went BOTH.  And on.. and on… and on…

     I finally got home, got the car unloaded (and recycled the twine) and was excited to call my daughter to tell her about the bounty of treasures for our house.  I knew the excitement was not going to be shared when she responded, “What’s IKEA Daddy?  That sounds like a weird store.”  I guess I assumed that at her age, almost hitting middle school, she would know IKEA, or been there with me or her mother at least once.  She eats on IKEA plates, drinks from IKEA cups, sleeps in an IKEA bunk bed and has an IKEA dresser.   I will take that at a complement that my home does not look like an IKEA showroom and that when she does get to discover IKEA she will enjoy shopping.  There is actually an item on the list I forgot specifically for her – a clip on light.  She sleeps on the top bunk and loves to read after her sisters are snoozing.

     Far and away the most notable portion of this post was the mystery of the missing piece when dealing with IKEA furniture.  I have yet to take the step of assembling this round of IKEA’ing but when I do, I will be sure to come back to the… MISSING PIECE.  (If any and all men have been cursed multiple times by the IKEA MISSING PIECE and blamed for it, please, PLEASE give me a quick shout out.  IT IS NOT JUST ME! I repeat, IT IS NOT JUST ME!)

     I will do whatever I can do to encourage reading over television and video games.  All three of them have handheld video game consoles.  This has not been a short post, nor has it provided anything educational or debatably useful. 

     If my next post ends up the same, then I’ll take on the topic of handheld video game consoles and where they belong (and don’t) in today’s society.  [Answer: the DUMPSTER and not in our kid’s hands].


     If you're into IKEA, checkout Rick Audet's flickr photo's of his IKEA visit - thank you for sharing Rick and great picture's!